One Pagan Summer

Shocking the things you will find on Tripod, it still exists, early writings of Michael Cameron from 2003 ~ bloods trainer



One Pagan Summer

A Made For TV Mini-Series

Warning: the language and style used in the document are of an intentionally difficult nature. Due to the writers belief in not editing his work, and experimental sentence structure, some of the passages may be difficult to read. Some of the views expressed herein may not reflect that of the writer or his family. Please do not show this to children.


So many asses and so few jails. So it was time to watch TV and figure out what I am supposed to do today. I take off my pants and settle into several hours of letting God speak to me though the programming he chooses. He first chooses cable porn, so I turn the TV off and think I have influenced his decision far too much. Maybe he just knew I wasnt wearing pants. I then turn it back on, and theres a show on about a family of lawyers who are wolves in nature, and they travel around the countrys forests in a red convertible solving crimes and then prosecuting the guilty with the help of their guardian angles. On this episode they eat all those suspected of committing a class 3 felony or higher. But it was all a dream of the youngest wolf in the end, and when confronted with the same situation the next day in real life he is then able to make the right decision with the help of the dream that the angels put into his brain. I dont want angels fucking with my head like that, or maybe there is a way I can make them have dreams. I will make them dream of me wearing attractive outfits, and going to the beach, nude beaches and dancing in my favorite musicals. I will think very very hard about these dreams I want them to have when they are supposed to be sleeping, which is when Im sleeping I guess, and maybe I will create their dreams. This is what I must do, I will give my team of angels dreams. I must be drunk I feel in order to do this, I am not a good sleeper, I have too much dirty time, and it makes my sleep dirty. So I have to watch TV a lot of TV. I used to be smart. I even went to college, and I forgot all because I wanted to. I was very self-aware, to the point I could almost see myself move from the outside. But now I would rather have the government pay to keep me home, they like it, I like it too. I can drool and yell at people and call them cunts all day, no talking. You would not believe what you would have to do with shoes in order to get to stay home like me. Well maybe it wasnt the shoes and it was more stealing cars only wearing shoes and taking them to the street of your ex-girlfriend and smashing them together spelling out the word cunt visible from the helicopter that chased me to place the last car. I beat them there! So they can fuck off, I get to stay at home, they still have to fly their dumb-ass helicopter, so you tell me who sucks and who doesnt. I am simple now. That is all I have to be, a fucking dumb tack. I cant get stupid enough, I need to be more stupid. More stupid. I dont hit anyone, no one hits me.

That is how its supposed to work. That is simple, like me. I work because all of the parts of me function in a specific way overtime, interacting over and over again, in the same way, responding in the accordingness to what it accords to make my body work. I dont expect anything. I dont expect anything. I only expect to be the same now. There is a Waterlaso song that ends “I live my life to feel the same” and I do. I feel the same. Ive wanted to feel the same since I was 7. I feel different from time to time and it gets ruined. I will tap dance really fast now!!!! I can see myself in the mirror by the bathroom. I choose not to have feelings about this and keep dancing fast. I hope my angels are watching me dance, this is sort of how I want them to dream about me.

Here are some things I like about myself right now:

I dont sweat very much
I am simple
I do not think about sex anymore to get even with girls who are nothing unless they are desired by men who provide their entire being with fantasy.
The rest of girls is them hanging out with their friends, they have fun together and are happy, and I get to be simple. I wonder why men are ugly? I think I will ask God about this after the angels have my dream. They will love it!

I now like that I am sexy to myself. I have decided to find myself sexy and desirable and address the problems that come along with that and not wearing pants. I am now gay. Its alright, I am able to accept things much faster now that I am incredibly simple, I thought that I may have been shocked a bit from being straight for so long, but it did not take me by surprise considering I was very attractive now. I must get a job so I can pay for my sex change. I need it. I know what I feel and my feelings need to be filled with this. Then I will always feel the same, but with huge boobs.

One Pagan Summer

The Real Start : For Those Who Do Not Get To Read The Intro

Jeff: We love you, Johnnie!!! You Are Beautiful!!!!!!!! I love your new boobs!!!!

John: Do you really think so? Was it worth it? Do you think they will let me work at Circle K anymore? I think they will wonder why a woman is working there now, and not the guy who has to be checked on. I think I am much happier now though, they will get better work out of me. This has changed my outlook, I am a woman now, I am strong and I dont need no man!

Jeff: Theyre dogs sweetie!

John: Yes they are dogs, but I will need to get used for easy sex first so I can feel like I have provocation to say that.

Jeff: Do you want to have sex now? You are a hot woman, I think you may be the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Ive wanted to tell you I love you for some time now, but I never trusted myself enough to not hurt you.

John: Really I never knew you felt that way? Is this the truth?

Jeff: Yes!.. Yes Really!

John: Cooool! Its only been ten minutes and I already have my first man!!!! I think I have too many stitches to do it though? Call the doctor and ask him.

Jeff: Okie Doke! (Grabs the buzzer and pushes the button with his nose and smiles)

Dr. Mike: Hello, what is wrong!!!! Is she alright!

Jeff: How long before we can have sex?

Dr Mike: It could be weeks? Why?

Jeff: No reason. (Pushes buzzer with nose a couple of times and looks sad)

John: I dont know if I will like you still in 3 weeks, I like you here now because you are here! Thats the best thing about you right now, you are here.

Jeff: But weve been best friends for years, why dont you think youd like me still, youve liked me all this time.

John: I have different feelings now, I have a different body and can get away with these new feelings.

Dr. Mike: This is amazing! Wow. If I could make you better, I would, you know Im a good doctor and I know if you could simply “do it” now you would be soul mates. I want you to know that kind of love, even if I cant. I was jealous of you at first, I can tell through all the scaring that you are going to be so beautiful, and I almost wanted to kill you so you wouldnt become a shining beacon of human self-realization. I just cant let people see you, and realize they can be this too.

John: (Thinks for a sec) Well okay, but dont alright?

Dr. Mike: Youre too beautiful to argue with, I just cant stay mad at you! I would like to call you when youre all healed up though, we could hang out at the doctor country club and have sex there.

John: Yes!!! DOCTOR!!!! I think I accept you prescription for sexiness.

In beginning to love myself, I took me out on my first date. I went to a pizza restaurant in Westwood. It was really dark, and my skin looked really good in the light. I glowed! But I was happy though, so I think you find your dates more attractive when they are happy. I looked into my eyes and said “Wow, youve got a dynamite smile. It just took me by surprise!” I was really impressed I would say something so nice and sincere to myself. I thought I knew myself by now, but who was I fooling it was my first date, and so many great things come out in romantic situations that I never would guess. I was a little grossed out when I licked my arm, I think it was trying way too hard to be sexy and just came off scary, but it also made me realize how cheap I really was because I think I was kinda turned on. I dont know for sure, its really hard for me to tell the difference between really creepy and hot sometimes, are they both the same? I like really manly men is what I found out, and I thought I was one for a long time, but after a while on my date I realized there was just something that wasnt there, and I think I lacked confidence and just couldnt find that spark that the guy who makes the paper towels, Bounty, he has it. I wanted to date myself forever, it hurts so much to watch my chance slip off of my powdered fingers, after all this time of just lying around and thinking about what it would be like if it finally happened, and then it did. It was so great for a little bit, its just so strange how attraction, works, is it really this fragile, so fast. So so fast. I was so fucking hot for this for months, and I just cant, I hate it so much. I want to yell at you, but I dont want to mess up things worse then they are, I still want something between us, I dont know if I can be my friend now though. I was really going to love myself this time, but I dont think I am ready after all I have been through with me, all the years of crap and no break. But this is not what Im going to tell people, fuck it! I love me and Im the only person I need! Thats all. I need to find a job. Ok stay calm a bit please. Were here to have a good time and thats what were going to do. You are not here alone, you are here with you as a separate person, and you are able to fully accept that, as a mature adult, who has feelings that are real and should be acknowledge by others, and myself. I make some really great conversation and I think I was doing pretty good at being my friend for a bit, but then all of a sudden I take my shoe off and slide it into my crotch and everyone is staring, and I felt so put out. That was the wrong thing to do, but I had to try. I knew I found myself attractive or I wouldnt be out with me in the first place. I just didnt think I was being aggressive enough on either side as a date or a dater. So I thought if I stepped up the intensity a bit I would seem more exciting. I knew that on some level I enjoyed getting bad, but maybe this was too bad, and right when I didnt want it too. I could tell how turned off I was, I just looked disgusted. I couldnt eat I was so upset, but I was too nervous to eat before anyway, I hated to let the food go to waste, so I had them box it up. I just wanted to go home now, I cant believe I ended up letting myself spend the night though. I just really wanted someone to be there, so I didnt have to be alone, and sorta guilted my way into it. I think I needed this though too, but I think it was still not the right time. I just wasnt ready, I thought I was but I wasnt. So things ended up happening that shouldnt have, but I had wanted to before, and now I dont know. So I lied in bed silent, and just wanted myself to say anything, it was worse then getting dumped, this was being totally shut out. I cant think of anything to say, so I just say some stuff that I know made me happy earlier, “dynamite smile” and whatnot, but it didnt work this time. Its just hard I think not to judge myself unfairly, and I just assume that Im going to be how the rest of the people who dated me are, but I have such a great way of accepting people, and loyalty, that I think I would be way better to myself then all of the people who hurt me all though the years. I just dont know how the spark was there and then its gone, its not like that for me, Im not like that with anyone, if I like someone I like them no matter what. I dont judge them if they are desperate, or get fat, or like crappy music. I like myself for who I am, and as my date I cant find a single flaw with myself. All of the little things that I thought got to me about all the other girls I dated just seemed to disappear in me when Im around. Even better then me being scared of me, the person Im attracted to, is the knowledge that I have that Im glad the people who are attracted to me are scared of me.

And Then Summer Started:

It was Wednesday, the 3rd day of the summer. I slept through the first two days. It was hard to sleep through 2 straight days, I wasnt that tired, and laying down that long really made my body hurt. So I had to really want it. I did, and now I can regret everything that I could have done on those days that I was out, that I have prompted everyone to tell me were liberating, and that they were able to free themselves from the systems in place that control human consciousness. That was my idea. I always now make sure that if I think of something and feel strongly about it, I know I would be remiss if I didnt act naturally and live out either my free will, or destiny thats end product is my ultimate happiness. I was having my picture taken at a friends house, when we decided to all quit our jobs, and I realized I couldnt really smile. Smiling has nothing to do with any real happiness, but I couldnt even make myself appear happy. There is nothing wrong with that though. Its all ok, every second is perfect. Today we are going to the beach, its time for it.

I have had a dream about the beach, which is really why I want to go. I am on the wrong coast for it to happen though, I think the water looks like its on the other side of the land. It starts out with a really cute blond girl chasing me through one of the old 60s looking time share hotels that are common near Deerfield Beach in southern Florida. Blondes arent really my type, but I am in love with this girl. We just sort of stumble around down the ramps, almost like we cant walk strait or stand easily, so we just laugh and keep falling on each other, very slowly until we are down to the beach. That is part one, it was nice. Part two also involves girls who are very beautiful and we get to the beach, and we are great friends, and you can tell we are some sort of trio, and really love each other. We take our clothes off when we get to a spot that is surrounded a bit by rocks and has warmish sand that feels cool sometimes, we take them off really slowly and were watching each other while we are, and we are all thinking and feeling the same thing, so were thinking like a boy., because thats how I must have been thinking. I think weve known each other as long as we have been alive, and I had flashes of apartments we have lived in, and Halloweens we spent together wearing the same costume and us together in what looked like our bedroom lying on the sofa kissing and watching TV with little light. I dont think we were related, we were just very close and shared everything, exactly the same. Our clothes just ended up being on in parts again after we undressed, I would take off my shirt and I would be wearing my pants again, one of the girls would take off her pants, and then her pants would be back on, only to take them off again? One of the girls touched my stomach with her hand and it went like a switch from day to night, and as we started to run along the beach it kept shifting back and forth from day to night. Out of the ocean, as we ran, came only what I can describe as really friendly goats walking up the beach as we ran by them. We stop to notice them and then a cute plastic octopus came out of the ocean, and then it grew very large very fast. Lightning struck on both sides of it repeatedly, made incredibly visible when it would switch to the umbra colored sky. He breathed fire, and then a misty cloud that caught my foot and turned it to metal. His metal breath did not smell bad though. Also as a quick side note Super Mario Bros. Goombas ran along the beach. I know either dream isnt very likely to happen, especially since there are elements of history and time involved, but I just hope if I can go to the same place where they take place and make as much of it as I can happen, my dreams will come and suck away all of the life I have lived and replace it with themselves, making it so they were what I have always lived.

I had previously lived in an apartment where most of the residents were young, and they lived like animals. I couldnt stand to watch the elevator vandals destroy one of the few things I really liked about where I lived. You name it and they did it to this poor elevator, if I was this elevator they would have done this to me too, I was luckily safe inside my apartment and didnt live in an elevator shaft. The elevator was on its last legs, I could hear it cry almost. There is no reason to ever kill anyone, but no one had ever told me about elevator vandals before either, so maybe people didnt know that it was ok to kill them. I didnt have anyone to talk this over with, so I would have to assume that contextually this could easily be added to what has become an already confused culture. Actually this was all an afterthought, I just really wanted to kill the elevator so it could be put to rest, its been in service since well before my mom lived here over 25 years ago. There would be some people who would be shocked by having to used the stairs, but they are currently much faster then the elevator, but they will also be happy when they get to use a brand new elevator that they will take great pride in, and have a renewed appreciation for, after a period of several weeks of having to used the stairs. So I put an out of order sign on every floor, and spend some time alone in the elevator, Ive never been in an elevator with the assurance that no one was going to get in. It would have been a good time to have sex with someone, but I dont think thats a very fitting way to say goodbye after a long time of dedicated service. How would your father like it after working for over 35 years on the same job, at his work retirement party a couple of kids had sex on him. Well I think it would depend on the father and his mood, but I just dont think this is this elevators style. Also I considered this elevator very ill, and I dont think any ill person wants anyone doing it on them, no matter how hot they are. Anyway I cut the cables and it dropped, and I poured booze and gummy bears all over myself and pretended to be passed out in the court yard so I wouldnt be suspected. It worked I think, some of the stupid kids from the building walked by and said “this dude smells like cheap liquor and gummy bears all the time, wow! Hes fuckin covered in em doood!! I found out the next day that some quote-unquote “college students” snuck into the bottom of the elevator shaft to smoke some pot because they thought the elevator was out of service. They just needed to wait a little longer before they got into an elevator shaft that said out of service, its like what my new neighbors say impatience kills.

I did manage to find time to look for a new place to live before I murdered college students. I found a nice one bedroom at a retirement village just down the street on Overland. Its nice to not have young people around to judge you, old people opinions are bitter about everything and I dont really feel like I care to win their approval or impress any of them. I have lowered my standards to meet the common practices of my new community, I piss myself in bed a lot.

Being poor I find it hard to go anywhere, and make it anywhere on time. Its just harder to organize I think when you have to struggle to take care of all of the manual details of every second of life.

We live and sometimes feel good. But today I only go to the beach.

I invited some of my neighbors to a beach party we were having, they were very old, like 70s or 80s. They were pretty tough though, they seemed like they had enough energy to live at least 5 or ten years more. I wanted to test them to see how much they have grown over their lives and learned about dealing with people, and how strong their hearts are. I only want to see to make sure there is something for me to look forward to, just feeling ok with other people and really being with them when I am. So I told them I was having a party to get to know them better, it was a nice thing to offer, I heard myself saying it and it sounded really good. They looked like they were equally impressed that someone so young and hip would take an interest in them, I am sure they were tired of talking to old people too, I know I was getting tired of it. But at least they were neat and didnt break shit on purpose. But the college kids never pissed themselves while playing pool in the community room. When they showed up I tried to offer them drinks, but they acted too good for the keg. Besides the old people, the rest of the guests were ladies I was really trying hard to put the moves on, like 3 of them. I told the girls whatever they do not to talk to the old people and see what they do, but they said they didnt want to talk to them anyway. We tried to appear to have a great time, and we made loud jokes about breaking our hips in the shower, and looking old and depressed. Only one of them started to cry the other two just looked pissed so I feel guilty, and have an anxiety attack, I get sleepy really fast and start to pass out. I wake up and Im in the middle of having sex the oldest lady there, who I had previously made cry. This makes me feel better, now I feel like she must forgive me and like me a lot again. I dont want to be rude, but this is the most boring old lady sex Ive ever had, and I want to somehow push her off and go home. So I do, and go home. I thought that most old people didnt really want to have sex anymore, and women as well dont seem like they are really excited to get it on, so it was really a surprise how into it this old lady really seemed.

I live with pornographers who are also black market diamond re-sellers. I make it back, and they are in the middle of a production, so I try to whisper as a courtesy to all those who will be jacking off in the future while watching this document of my room-mates girlfriend slamming his balls in the refrigerator door over and over again. I am very hungry and discretely grab the mayo out of the door to make a sandwhich, I couldnt tell if the camera was on me during the shot, but I grabbed my crotch when I reached for the mustard just in case. At the end of the film, they each hold up signs so they had credit for making the film, and I noticed my roommates name was Lyle Bronson. I wondered if that was real or just for porn, I should have asked him before what to call him, but now were living together it seems a bit strange to just now ask him his name, and I waited to read the card with his girlfriends name on it, but I couldnt wait for the cum shot to end to see it, I had to go and enjoy my sandwich. One of them works at Zales jewelers, and when they do appraisals they sometimes switch your diamonds with zircon, she was pissed. She watched peoples jewels stolen all day and they had no clue. They they they!!! Argghehagagga!!!!!! The Zales jewelers also make diamonds now, and no longer bother to dig them up. They are able to make as many as they want whenever they want to, thus eliminating the scarcity and precious nature of the diamond. She was mad about this too. I became mad when I heard about it, and when I told some family and friends on various occasions they were mad about it to. I spoke on most of our behalf and told her it would be alright to steal only diamonds from these people, but one day she stole coffee too from the supply cabinet and I was mad again. I hate that they sell you love, and you have to buy it diamonds. I think its De Beers actually that is responsible for manufacturing the diamonds, but that says something about love and its new nature I think. A diamond used to be rare and unique and if you had one it was special, I dont know exactly how but people always say like oh this is special like a diamond, and if you are a diamond you are someone to hang on to. But now all diamonds are made flawless and perfect, and only old “real” diamonds have flaws. I have flaws so I must be old, and thus I fit into the equation of new love somehow. Now if you find a diamond in a store that was made perfect and you decide that its not in someway, you dont have to worry about keeping it, you can throw it away, if you have enough money that is, and buy another one to replace it. Many things in life are about replacement, many things you will use will need replaced. One day I will even need to be replaced. Now that a new perfect diamond version of me can take my place I will not be sad or worry about that. You are not supposed to be sad about replacement, because its end result is happiness and satisfaction and keeping everything going and running smoothly. Would you want to have the same dream every night, of course not you would want to replace them with new dreams as much as possible. I will not make anyone have my dream more then once, they will miss it when its gone because it will be more perfect then any dream Ive ever been given. They will try really hard to remember it all and write it down, but I will make sure it is so beautiful that they will be scared and try too hard to remember it, so they cant think of it perfectly any more, making its memory all the more fond and enjoyable.

“A Mothers Confession To A Dying Bride”

Once upon a time there was a mother who loved her daughter very much, and she did her best to take care of her. They lived in a very pretty house, and didnt have many people around them. They were happy, and lived life in the easiest possible ways they could. One day the mother had to leave the daughter for a trip, and it came at a very bad time. It was the daughters 13th birthday, and she would have to spend it alone. This is the first time she had ever been alone, let alone on a birthday. The mother had to leave for 5 months for unspecified reasons. The daughter accepted that the mother had to go, and didnt want her to feel bad about leaving her alone on her birthday. Not only was the daughter sad, but she was very scared, and didnt know if she would be able to survive until she got back. She hoped she would. After a few days, she met a man. He delivered her mail, and was coincidentally 13 years old as well, and he just had his birthday. He had been eating a piece of a very large cake that was given to him as a present each day for lunch. When the daughter had filled him in on her situation he felt sad for her and gave her his piece of cake. He didnt have a candle for her so he stuck his master key to the mailboxes on top, and told her to make a wish. He said that if she blew the key off the cake, her wish would come true. He asked her what she wished, knowing he was breaking the rules of birthday wishes, but he had to know. She told him, that she wished that she was married to a boy who was sweet enough to give her his lunch to make her feel better. She knew how hard it must be to deliver mail all day long and how horrible she would feel if she didnt have lunch. So she asked him if he wanted her to make him a sandwich. He accepted, and they went into her kitchen, but he thought it was very strange she opened up the freezer instead of the fridge side. He said “What are you going to do, make me an ice cream sandwich, haha? She was going to, so she felt awkward, it made her self-conscious. She had thought he enjoyed desert as much as she did, seeing as though he had brought cake for his lunch. He told her that he was sorry and that if he was home that is what he would make, and that he wasnt sure and just didnt know what to say. They kissed, and then they went and got married within the hour. They spent all but the first two days of the 5 months together while her mother was gone. They ate desert for every meal because neither of them wanted to risk hurting the other ones feelings. A sad thing then happened. The daughter had a low tolerance for sugar and she found out the hard way that she was diabetic. The mailman rushes her to the hospital on his mail cart, and they are able to revive her and give her pills to manage her disease. The mother then returned home reluctant to tell her the news from her trip and explain why she had to leave. She had fallen in love with a man that she was related to and she had to leave to be with him as he finished working on the Hoover Dam, and she wanted to merry him, and she said that she just came back to say goodbye. The Mother said “I just couldnt trust you to love me anymore, you had just turned 13 and I realized that one day you were going to leave me, and you would merry a man and you would love him more then me. I decided that I couldnt bear to sit back and wait for it to happen, so I had to force it. I paid your new husband to merry you, but he told me that he would fall completely in love with you and make you most important to him in the whole world, no matter what. I have bought for you what no one would do for me. It is just too hard to love me now, and I know that, and my love for you makes me hurt when I think of how hard it must be for you. The man I have chosen is very wonderful, it is not like a movie, it is not a lie, it is very real, but I will not leave him, not even for a second now. I want you to only know the memory of our love and not have to feel what it was going to become, ruined and not perfect as when it was only us and the world had still left us alone.” The Daughter said “But mother, all of these things that are going to happen are separate from us, and no matter what happens to me I will still love you just as much as I ever have, it will not change. It may become deluded and obscured from vision but on some level I am the same person that I was the day you left me on my birthday, and no matter how hard you push me away there are some things that we will always share that no one can touch. The mother said “But they are the past, we have nothing now, we are just people who see each other because of something we both once felt and the titles that bind us together. You will visit out of obligation, you will wear your little duck costume and run up and down the fields of Stone Mountain Park flying kites with me while you watch me eat because of guilt. I will tell you hear and now that there is a secret (mother makes up a horrible lie just to try and hurt the daughter) I am not your real mother!!! I stole you from a mall in Florida when you were two. Your real mom was a nice lady who was shopping for large shoes, so that is why you have big feet.”

One Pagan Summer 2

I work in a surf shop, and I sell surf boards. There are many pretty girls who come in to the store and buy all sorts of surf related merchandise. There is the biggest beach party of the year that my surf shop is sponsoring, it is held on the beach right out in front of the shop. Ive been running a fever today, so I hope that I dont feel too bad to go to the party. I am a professional surfer, but it will take me a few years to get to where I can do it full time. There is a crisis, but everyone is making it worse, I have been dumped for the second time. All I have learned is never go out with a girl who loves The Cure, I love The Cure, but girls get messed up by Roberts songs and want to kill any one who ever will love them. They will say after they dump you that they want to be your friend, but all they want is to write it down on a piece of paper that you love them, they will put it in their purse, and content with their conquest you will drift away from each other. “I would hide neath the wings of the bluebird as he sings…” I love to say that, I fucking love he says neath. Some guy came into the surf shop today, and has never surfed before, so I helped him find a board and some stuff to go surfing with his bros. When I was handing him his receipt for $1000, he asked me if I liked girls, he and his friends looked at each other and laughed a bit. And I thought about it for a few seconds and I tell him No. I at this point think I am a woman hater. I am angrier and hurt more people then bon jovi. Or is that girls, and not me. HA ha haha. Oh, I only make jokes.

The main character is now a magical space pony, who is treated like normal people. His name is Roo.

Coming down from upstairs is Roo, its been a long night, he was out in the shity part of the valley hanging with some friends in a parking lot, he didnt go to do drugs though, he is a good guy that everyone likes. The hall is dark, not much light gets through the windows of his house in the morning, his mom and dad are late for work but trots down the stairs just in time to say good bye and have a bowl of cereal with them. He is concerned when he hears his dad cough:

Dad: Hey Roo its just a cough. This house is old, I think Ive got some allergies from the carpet that we had put in here back in the early 80s.

Mom: Maybe its the furniture, we should get it stream cleaned, since weve given away the dogs (both family members stare at roo) we havent had it cleaned yet. You spill too much when you eat daddy anyway.

Dad coughs until hes in a coma like state, and the family hears a voice.

Voice: I have taken your loved one into custody until you can perform the tasks on my Negative Scavenger Hunt. You will do these things or he will not be given back to you. I like him more then you do anyway. You have two days.

Dad: 47 Hours 59 Minutes and 57 seconds, 47 Hours 59 Minutes 50 seconds

Mom: Why us? I dont understand, we are the best to everyone. Good people! Good Good people! This is a crappy thing to happen this summer. Roo help him!

Roo: This list seems like things you shouldnt do, they almost seem like Pagan activities.

Mom: You have to perform them, you have magic, youre a space pony. We understand you are doing these things to save your father.

Roo: But eating babies?

Mom: I dont care if you have to eat 10,000 babies, just get your father back, youre magical you can just cast a spell on yourself and be fine afterwards.

Roo: It doesnt work like that.

Mom: Well why dont you whip up some realistic marshmallow babies that will trick the voice into thinking you ate the babies.

Voice: No Marshmallow Babies! I will put you all in fucking comas unless you play fair ya know.

Roo trots over to his cereal troff and eats. Still high from all of the drugs he took in the parking lot last night, he completely hallucinated the whole situation with the voice and Dad. He sadly crys and wonders if he should do the things on the list or if maybe the voice will just turn his dad free if he likes him so much.

Mom: Why dont you get a job so you can take Jasmine to the prom?

Roo: I dont think I can work, its too hard for me to think straight, you dont know what its like to have magic, it completely rules you sometimes.

Mom: How about just getting a job down at Pier One, I hear they are hiring from larry caruthers, they have always liked you, I remember what nice things they said about you when we were picking out napkin rings.

Roo: I dont really think they like me that much, I mean they are nice to everyone. I dont think I can lift the boxes because I need to have surgery still, I dont want to make it worse. I dont think Jasmine wants me to ask her anyway. She doesnt know how much shes hurt me, she doesnt ask me to hang out with her on the weekends anymore, she just sees me once every couple of weeks when she is bored off her ass midweek calls me and wants to see a movie. Ill even call her near the weekend and she doesnt invite me to go out with her even if I ask her what she is doing.

Mom: I think you are maybe just worrying too much.

Roo: She is a very sweet girl but I dont know if I can take how she pushes me away. I called her and cried on the phone the other night telling her what an important friend she was and how much I needed her right now, and I even asked her out the next night to see a movie, but she blew me off for two weeks, she didnt even call to make sure I was ok, when she knew how bad I was hurting. Why didnt she call. I love her so much how can she not love me. She doesnt make plans with me anymore for concerts, she wont even tell me what bands she is going to see. I just want her to be a good friend and she wont even be that. I told her that I felt she was drifting away that night from being my bestfriend and she said “whats with the labels, why do we have to label what we are.” I remember it was even her who said originally that we were best friends several times, and now she has forgotten or is pretending not to remember. I hate it I just want to explode out of my pony skin, I dont want to have to watch her drift away and not like me anymore, I cant stand to watch this happen again. I will see the movies that came out while we were dating show up on video, and then they will end up on cable and then they will show them on network television and it will all be so far away that I can never get it back. I cant stand, I just want to tell her that I hate her forever, that she has done this, she has made up her mind about me and there is nothing I can do to change it. Why the fuck did she ever like me at all.

Mom: Maybe its because you are a magic pony, we raised you like you were a normal boy, do you think that caused you problems.

Roo: I dont know, I think everyone treats me like Im a magic pony sometimes and not like a “real” person.

Mom: But you saved Jasmines life when you took that bullet and changed it into a cupcake when the school terrorists shooting kids took over, you saved everyone that day, and they all ate and enjoyed your magic cupcakes very much. They have no sense of gratitude then.

Unfinished For God>

© 2003 Michael Cameron All Rights Reserved

The Basis For Magick: A Tract By Michael Cameron



This tract is one of the most balanced and practical explanations I’ve read in modern thought on developing magic skills. It’s played a crucial role for myself in learning to practice magic, and strengthening natural abilities that are commonly dismissed as myth in our consciousness deadening society. This piece is for the modern street wizard and witch, who wants to create their world deliberately and put forth the effort into learning the art and science of magic that has practical daily uses. If you don’t believe in this type of thing, then this isn’t for you, ignore this post and move along. ~bloods trainer

The Basis For Magick:
A Tract By Michael Cameron

Warning: This tract is intended for those who are already practicing some form of magic and those who would like understand the broader concepts that help create an environment from which magic can arise. It is not for those who deny the mystical. This work contains concepts and philosophies meant to help enhance the powers of those who currently practice, and give beginners a place of reference to help cut the learning curve to begin practicing with more success.

Practical daily uses and household applications

Is magic real? Yes!

Anything that you can program the subconscious to do, and (you) accept as true will manifest and materialize in the physical plane.

All rituals, rites and ceremonies perform a helpful and sometimes necessary function in the persuasion of the subconscious mind. But their content is arbitrary and their performance can be bypassed if your subconscious mind sees your goal as actual, and real in the physical plane.

The subconscious mind is our direct link to the unmanifested.

The subconscious mind is recording everything around us, always, far more than we can process with the 20% of our conscious brain that we use.

Our subconscious, and the Universe know no context, as positives and negatives do not exist outside of the human mind. Keep this in mind regarding your requests.

The Universe always answers yes to all requests.

Any statement made is a request given to the subconscious mind. If you make a statement negative to your goal, you must state aloud the positive converse three fold.

You can not subtract anything, it is not a subtractive Universe. You can only add. In essence you cannot subtract negativity, you can only add positives on top of them to overpower and dilute the negatives.

Time does not exist.

Everything that ever was or will be created, exists in this moment.

This moment is always perfect, as it’s what is, and that is the most beautiful thing.

Never resist the Universe, trust it completely.

Do not hope, trust and know.

You cannot understand the bigger picture from your perspective, you are unqualified to judge positives and negatives, as each could usher you toward something you desire. And again, there’s no duality, so no point in wasting energy.

Make your request but allow the Universe to provide it for you in the most expedited way it can bring your request forth.

You need to release all negative feeling, the most powerful you will ever be is to balance yourself out into neutrality, not an excited state, nor a state of out of control happiness. A state where you are in total awareness of the space that exists around you, above you, and endlessly inside you.

Act from a place of beauty, never react.

Ceremonies that involve dance can be an extremely powerful way to build up energy and then redirect it for manifesting, energy projection and creation.

You have no real power over others except the power they give to you. A curse will only work if you can cause them to fear you and accept the curse as real in their subconscious mind. But this will also negatively effect you, you can not cause harm to others without causing equal or possibly greater harm to yourself.

We are all only energy. Our bodies are projections of energy, dense energy, we constantly continue to create our appearance and health with our thoughts about ourselves and emotional state.

We are all part of one massive source of the same and ever expanding energy. No matter who you effect, you are always effecting yourself, literally, in both ways.

Since we are energy, and energy is emitted from many sources, these external sources of energy not only effect us daily, but have shaped us. Energy from the planets, and especially the moon can be powerful tools in creation. Using these energy flows when timed properly can enhance and help usher forth the object or goal of your ceremony or ritual.

Numbers are powerful and so are names, when applied to elements that bring synchronicity to each part of a whole, you will create something beyond it. Items that you make, or of your choosing, that have significance to you, or that you apply a purposeful meaning for in terms of your ceremony, rite, spell or otherwise will greatly enhance it’s effectiveness.

There is no source of negativity, energy can be directed in any creative way. Some ways are destructive to yourself and to others. Those who use their power against another cut themselves off from their full power. Power over another is an illusion, and is weakness disguised as power. Discussion here is only for purposes of our dualistic dimension that we dwell in.

Chanting is incredibly powerful, to say what is, is to bring it forth.

Two in agreement brings your powers combined to the Nth degree. A ceremony of those who possess full agreement, neutrality and who sit in a place of peace and trust for the Universe will magnify their powers beyond their expectations.

Magic is practical for daily uses, do not limit what it can be, it is a natural extension of who you are, and your life.

Know it as if it were science, as it is a science. If you program your subconscious, and it accepts your programming as true, it always will produce your result.

Be in this moment or you will diminish your power. The past holds irrelevant information that has expired it’s validity, and the future is only now.

You can project vast amounts of energy through your hands. Visualize it, do not push physically, feel the energy of your body and practice projecting it between your hands. You should feel it with some practice.

All of the great healers used energy to repair dull or stagnant energy of their patients. They will however return to their illness if they don’t take control of their own energy, mind and emotions.

Emotions are an illusion and exist only in the body, not in your mind. We carry around lots of blocked energy, do not fear anything you are feeling, look at it, feel it, allow it to be and dissipate.

Fear is an illusion, fear is nothing. Your body is safe in the Universe if you believe it to be. Fear not for the body, it will greatly limit your power. You are eternal, all that is real of your true self can never be destroyed.

When performing magic always try to feel as “light” as possible, with some awareness placed on the energy inside the body and the energy that exists around us in space.

If you feel you need a crutch to direct energy a wand can be useful, it can enhance your belief through holding a physical marker as a conduit for direction of energy.

Belief is ultimate, and your power.

What is impossible? Nothing.

What is possible? Everything.

Your higher consciousness can answer any question for you. There are 3 methods that I employ.

1. A pendulum should always be carried, if you ask a question of your own higher expanded part of your consciousness it can provide you any answer of what is. Warning: It will however tell you what you need to know over what you are asking, there is some level of fate to our existence here. Hold the pendulum with two fingers, and designate swinging toward and away from you as yes, and left to right as no. You can allow it to swing in a circle for maybe, but this answer is not useful to me as often, ask your questions in a way to eliminate it as a possibility. Things that haven’t yet occurred that are already set in monition can be answered for as well, but the general future I believe is always being created.

2. Program your subconscious before you go to sleep to answer a question for you. Ask your question, and request that you will be provided with an answer in your dream. If you are not overtired you will remember your dream. Keep writing materials by the bed in case it is important. Many of the greatest ideas have come from dreams.

3. A Ouija board can be an amazing tool if used properly. One major drawback is that there are many beings and entities who are not in bodies around us any place we might go, and they might want to hop on the board. It can be like asking questions randomly to strangers at a bus station. Some answers will be helpful, some misleading and some might come from a ranting mental patient. Request to speak only with your higher selves, and surround yourselves with a column of light. Visualize this, and say it, say also that no other beings or entities are allowed to use the board to communicate. But make no mistake, it does work, and you will be able to talk to the higher perspective of passed loved ones. You can communicate especially well around the time of their passing, as they will be present with you to help you, and have their presence felt by you.

Using a blank piece of paper as a place to physically program your subconscious is very powerful, and can be used to increase your psychic abilities, healing and energy projection. Write at the top of the sheet “This page is my subconscious mind” and write statements to program yourself as if they already exist.

Ceremonies can be based on anything and should be extremely personal to you, and to all who are involved. Inclusion is extremely powerful, and the greater your galvanized numbers the more impressive your results. Select only those to participate who share your belief and desire. Items, naming, chants, dances, movements should all have specific meanings created by you, reflecting who is involved, what you want to create, and the means by which you wish to create it.

The Universe needs no sacrifice, it is impossible to give it anything it does not or will not contain. It allows all of us to be, and gives us anything we ask. It does greatly reward those who are open to it, it’s direction and flows of energy. It will bestow amazing gifts on those who are in a state of appreciation of it, and all that is. You do not need to worship, just a loving awe for what it is, and gratitude for all it has given to you. And know that it always says only yes to you when you ask.

We are always being given what we are asking for. Information we hold about ourselves is a request in our energy and can cancel out the new request you are making in your rite or ceremony. Let go of your old self and just be, without a name, just a point of consciousness perceiving space. Who you are in truth is perfect and cannot be harmed.

Applying meaning to symbols is very powerful. You can create your own, they will work better when created out of your own experience.

Take your ceremony seriously, the more into it you are, the more real it becomes to you. It is sacred.

Appreciate your success no matter how small.

Everyone is fine where they are, we are all in different places, and progress at different speeds, but everyone is learning. Keep this in mind in terms of forgiveness when making a request.

Know that it is our time now, the time of the old ways will soon be over. Magic is becoming easier to practice and will be second nature to you soon enough.

It is important to not distinguish us against them, there is only us.

The Universe is not a person, so do not limit it by applying a personality, or human traits to it.

There is no wrong path, the road can be longer for some and shorter for others.

Remember to spend time in silence & be still.

Know that all is well, this will increase your power. As it is.

Los Angeles Feat. Blank Frank – Sexual Humiliation

Los Angeles Feat. Blank Frank – Sexual Humiliation from Mountain Fighting on Vimeo.

Firing synapses so hard that I could see through my hand. Play this loud. “My moves suggest another motion inside…” An instant classic. When all the wrong things start to feel so right. ~ bloods trainer

White Ring – Bye Bye

I feel like a million bucks.

Burger King – Veggie Burger Review

BK Veggie Burger

BK Veggie Burger

Being a goth and a vegetarian are hard enough without leaving the house. When you do venture out into the dark and unfriendly metropolis one issue that will usually arise, besides the world not understanding, is eating. I hope to help answer this question with reviews of some of the best food out there for those who desire to not involve themselves in murder three times a day.

One of the best options at a traditional fast food burger joint is Burger King’s veggie burger. It’s well seasoned, good texture, not soggy at all, as some veggie burgers can be served. I suggested adding cheese, it is already topped with mayo and mustard, I prefer ketchup, so I substitute that for mayo. I look forward to getting this a few times a month. I enjoy their fries enough, but I feel like they should go for something a little closer to Jack In The Box, or El Pollo Loco’s, who have a more natural potato flavor.

The patty itself is made from veggies as well as grains, so it’s not soy, and it does contain some vegetable pieces. To me it has sort of a veggie meatloaf vibe to it, which is enhanced with a healthy dollop of ketchup. Writing about it now is making me want to head over there and get one.

The bun is good, it’s white bread, I’m fond of wheat, but again since we’re in burger world, the white bun is probably going to give you the most rewarding and accurate experience. A nice feature that burger king offers on their soda machine is the option to add carbonated water to your drink, so you can cut the sweetness down on their soft drinks, but still enjoy the nectar of the gods.

Some burger kings feel a little bit institutional, but I will say this is the exception and not the rule, I’ve been in a few lately that are as comfortable as you are going to find for a fast food dining room.

I give this meal 4/5 dark birds of the night,

“A Morningstar Farms® Garden Veggie Patty, garden crisp vegetables, whole grains, and spices–all topped with lettuce, red ripe tomatoes, ketchup, creamy mayo, and served on a sesame seed bun. If there’s one thing we know, it’s burgers. Even Veggie burgers. No, especially… the BK VEGGIE® Burger. ®, TM, © 2009 Kellogg Co.

Nutrition Info:
410 calories, 2.5 sat. fat, 5mg, cholesterol, 8g sugar, 44g carbs,
16g fat, 0g trans fat, 22g protein, 1030mg sodium,
Allergens: Wheat, Soy, Egg, Mil”


Hair Restoration

Hair Restoration

Hair Restoration

I don’t have much experience with suicide, I’ve not made any attempts. I have on one occasion had to try to talk an acquaintance who worked with me at an IMAX theater out of killing himself, but I’ll get to that later in another story someday. Until this story I’m about to tell, I was pretty clueless as to how ugly it is when someone actually kills themself. I’m sure I don’t even know the half of what really went on with the story of the person I’m about to relay, but to the best of my ability I’ll try tell you what happened.

I had been working at the corporate offices of a leading national hair restoration clinic, I’d like to say it was off and on for two years, but it was constantly and only “on” for two years. In some ways it was an easy job, I was mostly on the phones, only occasionally was I assigned some offices tasks like distributing memos, or pulling messages off the voice mail. Most of the time, when there wasn’t a ton of inbound calls from new inquires requesting info about hair restoration, or patients calling in to ask questions, they’d have us make calls to followup on the information kits we’d sent out, and try to schedule appointments for consultations in one of the many offices across the US.

I’ve had quite a few jobs, but this was possibly the most challenging. I’m fine with sales, but the amount of pushiness they were asking of us was too much. Had I not needed a job of course, this wouldn’t have been anything I’d ever consider doing. I would have left, and probably should have left, but the schedule was flexible and the money was pretty good considering. Maintaining the discipline it took for me not to walk out on this job was pretty much the hardest part of my day, after that the difficulty of unwelcome calling and getting yelled at were a close 2nd. I had said the same exact thing to so many people, that my mouth would move and words would out automatically without my consent. I didn’t even understand what I was saying sometimes, occasionally when I was a little tired it felt like the words were just arbitrary mouth sounds. Which I guess in a way they are.

I could never relax at the office, since the job was in the medical industry, and the product we were selling was a surgical procedure, we were watched like hawks. Every word we said was monitored, they even lowered our cubicle walls at one point so we could be seen from all sides. The only thing I dislike more than having to sell someone on having a hair transplant is being watched and listened to while selling a hair transplant.

So we would spend all day on this automatic dialer, calling new inquires, old inquiries, people who have been called 20 times, people who have been called 10 times in a week, people who the computer keeps calling because of human error. Sometimes we’d call people accidentally who have died since requesting their information, so we could share a painful moment reminding them that their loved one was in fact still dead. And I guess still bald because we’d find out that we’ve called them several times since their passing, maybe this was an experimental sales technique that I wasn’t aware of.

One voice in the phone bank sounded like it was being broadcast from the radio, always perfectly chipper, considerate, kind, and no matter who he was dealing with, even the most irate caller, he sounded like his voice was smiling. I’m not going to give his name, as I’m sure his family would be pretty bummed to read this, I always say it’s better not to rehash the pain, it’s not necessary to hold onto. This gentleman was a friend to everyone in our office, and believe me we had some crazy people in our office, and I stress no matter how long he’d been at work, doing the same crap I was doing, he was upbeat and friendly. When he spoke with you he seemed like he was really listening, his conversation was never forced, he always seemed casual and laid back.

I’m sure away from the office he did his share of bitching about this job. I did see him away from the office on a few occasions but he never spoke negatively about where we worked.

Here’s the story of his last day as I remember it.

I show up to work in the early afternoon, punching in on the digital finger scanning time clock. He was just getting off of his morning shift, and I passed him in the kitchen. Everything seemed like a normal day, from my quick and final glance of the man, everything seemed fine. After the first hour of my shift, I take a break and run down to the convenient store across from the parking tower and see a friend of mine on the way back up to the office. We chat for a few moments about music, and then I excuse myself back to work with my snack, probably string cheese, a cliff bar, possibly beef jerky and cookies.

The only thing that kept me awake at this job was constant movement of my jaw, and sticking food in my mouth, because sometimes talking was not enough. About half an hour or less later I hear extremely distressed voices yell “Where’s name deleted! Oh my God!” I got extremely upset thinking he had been hit by a car, because the parking lot is a zoo, and I had almost been run over several times just crossing back to the office.

The next thing I hear is that someone had climbed the 5 story parking garage and jumped off. I got light headed and felt sick at this point. It all sunk in, and I snapped out of the daze of my normal life-routine, and all of a sudden life felt all too real and permanent. So his final day was spent quietly working out his regular shift, without a complaint or a hint to co-workers that anything was wrong. He went to the kitchen, and then probably spent about 45 minutes or less on the top floor of the parking garage before jumping off. Two friends were in the court yard less than 50 feet from where he hit down, one saw him hit the ground. Both said the sound of the impact was the worst thing they had heard in their lives.

Everyone in the office was hit hard by this. The phones went unanswered, as we were all just horrified that no one knew he was is such pain, and that a person who extended so much friendliness to all of us, did not have it returned. It was so heavy to see someone get crushed by life, and end up in such despair feeling like he had no one he felt comfortable expressing this to. After about an hour I couldn’t leave my seat, so I put myself on inbound calls without requesting to do so, but there wasn’t anyone who was going to suggest I do otherwise at that moment. My phone didn’t ring one time during the end of my shift, but I couldn’t handle doing anything besides sitting there, and I wasn’t ready to drive home. I alternated between crying and just being angry as more details emerged from other co-workers.

I had heard that he interviewed a few weeks prior for a promotion that he was long due. He wanted to work in one of our eastern state offices as a councilor, a position that he would have been excellent in. He was a great sales person, and knew everything there was to know about this procedure. He had also been at this office for quite a few years; he had stuck with this company and worked hard for them, as he thought they would reward him with the same loyalty. His mother had also recently been very ill, and she lived near the office he wanted to be transferred to, so I’m sure this seemed like the perfect time to move on from the phones and telemarketing.

He found out not too long after the interview that he didn’t get the promotion, and it was assumed that because he himself had fairly advanced hair loss, and may not have appeared as young and handsome as some of the other councilors that they never actually gave him the consideration for the position he deserved. He had been with this company for quite a few years, and was getting up there in his years to try to start over at a new job. I’m sure he felt like his chance to take care of his mother, and have a better life were taken away from him.

A few weeks prior he was spotted by another friend walking around in the parking garage, just looking out from the top floor. Everyone knew he took the bus to work, so she questioned why he was up there. He told her he was just enjoying the view. Which was actually beautiful, and gave you a near 360 degree view of the entire city of LA.

During the year and a half I worked with him, and the few outings we had I learned quite a bit about this man. He sat next to me and my mother at the company Christmas dinner, and he was extremely kind and warm to her as well. He had lived in the same apartment building that I’ve been living in for the past 7 years, almost to the day as I write this. He was here during a much better time in his life, back when he was pursuing his dream of being an entertainer, he was an actor and most importantly he was a beautiful singer. My favorite memory of him, and how I’m picturing him for the duration of writing this piece, was at a trip to a Karaoke bar, that’s actually within walking distance of my apartment. That night he sang two Elvis songs, that if you closed your eyes, you would might actually believe Elvis was in the room singing to you. His voice was rich and velvety, and always had me wondering why he wasn’t working as an announcer on the radio, or doing voice overs for films.

It’s hard to say why things happen, or why they work out the way they do. I certainly don’t know the whole story about this person’s life, or the reasons for his successes and failures, but this was a sobering slap in the face of my concept of fate. I had never seen anyone hit a true dead end before. A dead end I was also in some way taking part of. It had made me question what had lead him here, and also question my concept of things happening for a reason, and everything happening for the best. Ideas that I seemed to love to cling to. He had ambition to be an entertainer, had lived in my apartment building, and most importantly was a musician and worked where I did.

My tears were for his sadness and disappointment, our loss of a wonderful person, and for the darkness and loneliness I could now imagine he felt. I also felt a selfish fear of how this could happen to someone like him, who was not all that different from myself. I thought about all of the stories where a miracle in some form of intervention occurred to change the course of someones life for the better, but this was a very bitter and cruel example of where it could have easily taken place but didn’t. The icing on the cake is that he was ignorantly denied the job he would have been perfect for, and that he was owed. So this could have really gone either way. When I heard he had interviewed for his promotion, I felt happy for him as I felt that he would definitly be leaving us soon to start work in a better position.

Was this the easiest way or best way for him to go? Had he accomplished everything in life that he set out to do? Was his work now finished and he simply drifted away to another place where he was now needed more? I still can’t stand that this happened, I’m sure there’s some ego wrapped up in this, that everyone feels like they would have been the one who could have helped in a small way and would have made the difference. But a nice person, a very nice person, who helped people, came to work, finished his shift, said goodbye casually as he would any normal day, but this time he felt that his options had run out, and that he had run out of fresh starts. There was no one who could help any longer. He left no suicide note, as they say most who kill themselves don’t, but when you kill yourself at work rather than at home there is a reason for it, and a message. His final act was to come to work to send a message to us his co-workers, and to the company itself. The message to us “don’t let this happen to you.” The message to the company “fuck you.”

A Movie About A Girl Called Pairs Hilton

Paris' Wedding Carriage

Paris' Wedding Carriage

A Movie About A Girl Called Paris Hilton

By Michael Cameron

Setting: She lives in PHX, AZ, she was born there. She barely notices the heat, because maybe it’s not hot there anymore. We fade the Mountain Fighting logo out as the intro to “All 4 Love” By Color Me Badd starts to play.

A girl named Paris Hilton is in her apartment, which is built over a Krispy Kream™ Donut Restaurant. They serve her favorite donut sandwich, she has said this is why she moved there. It looks like what would happen if someone built an apartment over a freestanding McDonalds surrounded by trees. She is in her room getting ready to go out. She’s listening to one of her favorite songs, in a mostly shady room and putting on a dress that appears to be something like Lady Di would wear to visit a children’s hospital. It’s covered in blue sequence and has giant 80s shoulder pads, but is as attractive as it is dated.

Paris picks up her phone and dials the radio station she’s listening to.

DJ: Power Radio!

Paris: Hi, can I make a dedication?

DJ: Go ahead.

Paris: I want to dedicate the song you’re playing now to Paris Hilton from Charles, and say, you know you rock my world even if I don’t show you as much as you deserve.

DJ: Isn’t this getting old Paris?

Paris: No, but if you don’t want to, then don’t do it, it’s my birthday though.

DJ: I can’t say your last name on the radio, what city are you in?

Paris: Glendale. Are you sure you’ll get it on? Don’t pretend if you’re not going to.

DJ: (said really quick and unenthusiastically) Yeah we’ll be happy to do it happy birthday (click).

Paris is excited and returns to her primping to go out for the night.

Radio: All right, that one goes out to Paris in Glendale from Charles. He says “You Rock My World Girlfriend! You know I don’t show you enough, happy birthday Paris!” Here’s a birthday double-shot of CMB just for you!

The song kicks back in as he finishes talking, Paris freaks out and jumps around and dances for a second. She returns to the bathroom.

She looks in her mirror and smiles very pretty, and then she closes her eyes and breathes, pausing her expression on the screen, the title is faded in below her in thin pink lipstick font. We cut to the outside of her apartment and pan down to the restaurant below.

Down in the restaurant working at the counter is Charles, who lives up her street, which becomes progressively more suburban as you drive further along. Paris is in love with him. She has loved him for 5 years now; at this point he doesn’t seem interested in her at all. He is obsessed with emulating the life of Prince Charles. She wants desperately to be a part of his life, so she has adapted her life to reflect that of Lady Diana. He looks put upon by the world, but he also appears to have it under control. The year is currently 1991.

Scene 2: (Cut to) Paris is checking into the London Bridge Hotel in Lake Havasu. She parks her Honda Civic out front of the hotel. She walks into the front entrance, confidently past the carriage, with an overwhelming sense of connection creeping across her face as she passes it to check in at the front desk. The front desk lady looks strikingly like Camilla Parker Bowls.

Desk Lady: Your room number is 1983, and as you requested it’s a non-smoking room. It’s one of our suites; let us know if you need anything, we’re at the desk all night.

Paris: Is there anywhere to get food around here this late?

Desk Lady: The only thing open at this hour is pizza delivery; check your guest guide in your room for the listing. I have a small kitchen back here; I could make you something if you’re not interested in pizza.

Paris: No thanks, pizza’s fine. How late is the pool open?

Desk Lady: It’s only open for 10 more minutes, but it’s lovely. Every minute spent there is well worth the effort, you’ll wish we kept it open all night. (Laughs strangely)

Paris: Yeah, I bet it’s nice. (Weirded out)

Paris walks away toward her room, cut to her entering her room from the inside of the door. She walks to the window and looks out over the lake and down at the partying kids at the club below. She gently puts her hands to her ears to block out the crassness of the music. She turns on the TV, and lies down on the bed. It’s a tourist channel promoting local attractions and all of the information points out how a trip to Havasu isn’t complete with out a walk across the London Bridge. She reaches into her purse and pulls out pink Hostess Sno-Balls as opposed to ordering her pizza. She looks over at the phone beside her and looks at the clock. She picks it up and dials a number, which we listen to as it rings. Then the other phone is answered, but Paris doesn’t speak. Neither does the person on the other end of the line. But she presses 333, and then you hear 333 pushed back. She presses 777 and you hear 777 pushed back. We view her hand as she pushes the buttons. The camera pulls back from her hand to frame her on the bed in the dimly lit room.

Scene 3a: PHX

Paris likes shopping at a local store, part of a chain that was taken over by Target in 1987, called Gemco. One remains open independent of the chain. She selects her cart in the front of the store and walks the aisles; she chooses products an elderly person would, Metamucil, which is on sale so she stocks up. Centrum Silver, support hose and various other retirement products comprise her shopping list. She is tired from all the walking, so she speaks with the manager and he sets her up with a shopping go-cart. We see her driving around the store from the front, as she looks around, not particularly impressed with what she sees. She grabs a pair of sticky flip-flops off a display. They don’t have a strap; they stay on because the sole is covered with an adhesive, only lasting for a week of wear. She takes off her shoes and puts them on, sticking her real shoes in her basket. Then something catches her attention off camera and she clomps over to it. It’s a display with a Super Nintendo, they had just finished setting it up as it drew Paris in. She is so excited that she addresses the sales guy.

Paris: Oh my god, the graphics are so beautiful. Mario looks so cool.

A little kid, about 7, walks up and joins her for a game. Paris recognizes him from her neighborhood.

Paris: Hey Stevie, I can’t make Mario Fly, how do you do it?

Stevie: Press back when you get him up in the sky.

Paris: Did you beat Gauntlet yet? I did the other night.

Stevie: No, not yet, too much schoolwork and I’ve had a lot of birthday parties to go to. So, you know how it is.

Paris: Yeah, (sighs) how’s that little girlfriend of yours, how long have you two been going out now?

Stevie: Since kindergarten, she’s fine, we’re going to get married when it’s summer and we’re not in school. Are you still trying to go out with that guy who’s mean to you?

Paris: Yeah, I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t think I could stand losing him, but you wouldn’t know what that’s like would you.

Stevie: Marie’s always liked me, and treats me nice, so I don’t know what to tell you. I just hope he likes you. Does he make you happy at all?

The in-store radio plays soft rock over the speakers and the announcer cuts in after PM Dawn’s “Set Adrift On Memory Bliss.”

DJ: This one goes out to Paris in Glendale from Charles, Charles says happy birthday Pudding-Pop from your sugar daddy “The Big C.”

Paris: See, he does love me. (Smiles) So you don’t have to brag so much about your little fiancé, I’m tired of everyone doubting that he cares, he probably loves me more then she loves you.

Scene 3b: PHX

Cut to Paris talking to Charles, early in their friendship, as he puts a tape into the VCR to show her the arrival of the royal wedding party for the first time.

Paris: I can’t believe I’ve never seen this before, did they show it on TV here, or was it only on in England?

Charles: I think it was on everywhere, this tape was a gift. I didn’t know what it was when it was on. I guess I had never seen a televised wedding.

Paris: I wish we could have been there, it looks so beautiful.

(TV shows the carriage pulling up to the church and Lady Di getting out, soon to transform into Princess Di.)

Charles: Do you have anywhere you want to go?

Paris: I just like staying here, but we could go swimming if you want.

Charles: No, you should go, I just want to stay and watch this. I don’t like watching it with other people so much anyway.

Paris: It’s ok I’ll just make us something to eat and stay out of your way, you won’t know I’m here.

Paris walks into kitchen and opens the cupboards and takes out brownie mix and starts to make various other snacks. Charles looks put out and continues to watch the tape and when it ends he rewinds it and starts it over. Paris, back in the kitchen, sits in a chair and watches the brownies cook through the glass. She looks out into the living room and Charles is still in a trance over the damn Lady Di tape. Realizing that Charles is oblivious she sneaks up his stairs, past his family’s bedrooms and into his. It looks like a little girls room, it is unbelievably rufflely and pink. It looks like a shrine to a wedding cake. He has a photo album on his desk that looks exactly like a wedding cake, when you open it’s full of real photos he has collected from English people and photographers of their wedding. Paris is exhausted from trying to get Charles to like her all day and lays down in his princess bed. The camera pans off of Paris and follows down-stairs and back into the kitchen and shows the brownie timer going off. Charles hears it and is pissed off she almost let the brownies burn.

Charles: Shit, she always does this.

He carefully puts on his pink and white ruffled apron, with matching oven mitts and removes the brownies. He removes a silver cake knife from a case and cuts a brownie and puts it on a fancy plate and doily. He then opens a drawer and pulls out a wedding cake bride & groom and puts it on top of the brownie. The drawer is full of them. He looks at it and then casually bites the head off of the bride. He then puts his face down in the brownie and rests the groom on top of his head. Paris walks down the stairs to see him lying there and takes a picture of him with the groom on his head. He appears to be very depressed, and Paris not knowing what to do walks out the front door and down the street to her apartment. But she is hungry and doesn’t want to be alone so she decides to eat at the donut restaurant.

Counter clerk: Hi, welcome to Krispy Kreme™ Restaurant, may I take your order please?

Paris: May I have one turkey-salami on sour-cream glazed please?

Clerk: Would you like that toasted, with onions?

Paris: Could I get grilled onions, lightly toasted and no spread.

Clerk: Would you like to Sumo-Size it and make it a combo?

Paris: Sure, and make the drink a glazed blue-berry shake.

Paris takes out the exact amount of money from a cute pink fuzzy kitty purse that matches her watch. The camera pans over to the kitchen and shows a glazed blue-berry donut being cut into pieces and put into a milkshake blender. Paris sits down at a booth and we watch her from the side of her table as she plays with a display card that promotes the healthiness of the new flame broiled chipoltle chicken breast sandwich served on a Cinnebon™ who currently has a cross-brand promotion going on. She rips the card apart to make it a sheet, and she draws a picture of the royal wedding carriage, then she stares at it and almost cries. She then adds some cartoon flames and babies being thrown from it in several directions. Paris is still drained from being around Charles all day. They call her number and she sits back down with her order, which comes in a powder blue dome. She takes off the lid and puts it on her head and slouches down in the booth.

Paris returns to her apartment with her milkshake cup in hand and turns on her lights. Her room is very clean and comfortable like a studio apartment should be; there is nothing on her walls. She sits down on her bed and opens a book of photos of Charles covering his face, or being shot while he is unconscious or at least doesn’t know of the camera. They are all noticeably color photos. Except there is one in black & white of Charles looking happy from a fairly long distance. He’s wearing a replica of the royal wedding tux. It’s getting late; Paris turns on her computer and writes for a while, a story about her and Charles. Next to the computer is a stack of receipts from Charles’ dress company. For about 2 minutes we pan in over her shoulder and hear her internal dialog read as she scrolls through her story to see what she has written so far, here’s what she has:

It was Halloween 1986, around midnight when he spotted her from across the room. He sauntered over, looked her straight in the eyes and said “You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, you must tell me your name, you have my full attention.” She gazes back confidently, but with brief hesitation, she announces that her name is “Paris, Paris Hilton.” She sensed that his intentions might be suspect and involve usury. She asked the dashing stranger “How do I know I can trust you. For all I know beautiful sir, I could be just another tryst for you to pen between the sordid pages of your memoir.” He told her their meeting could be nothing less then fate, as their costumes show him they were cut from the same cloth, he and she respectively dressed as the Prince & Princess of Wales. They spoke of their lives and danced until the end of the party. She was officially swept off her feet, he then carried her out to her conveyance where he asked “Are you a sorceress, because I’m afraid of the power you now have over me, when can I see you again?” She smiled coyly and said “Whether I am a sorceress or not is for you to find out, the only spell cast over you is your own, but a girl can’t give away all her secrets, now can she? I do believe I should beware of you handsome stranger, but I cannot resist your hot bod.” They hung out everyday for almost a month, and they had one very nice year together. But everyday since that first night he drifted a small fraction further away. Even at their most intimate they were friends and not much more, if anything physical did happen between them it seemed to be erased from his memory the next day. Still, he will not let her leave, but he doesn’t want her to stay.

She doesn’t go to sleep until 7:45 am. This is usual. She also works on a song she’s writing, it’s sad and it’s cute, but it shows what years of rejection have done. She picks up her acoustic guitar and plays “Song About A Guy Called Charles.” She puts on a CD and then brushes her teeth and just reads until the sun is up. Because she stays up all night, she has spent most of her life alone.

Scene 5: PHX Still

The next morning she roller-skates down the street to Charles house. She knocks but no one answers. She walks past pictures of only Charles in his living room on a table. He looks happy alone. She walks toward the back of his house to find him in his sewing room. Today Charles looks happy to see Paris, as she walks in to find him finishing up another copy of a Princess Di dress.

Paris: Hey!

Charles: Hi Paris, try this on. It’s about your size.

All of his new line of dresses are larger than Paris so she could put any of them could put any of them on, it’s probably only because of the giant shoulder pads that they stay on her thin frame. Charles needs her to model the dresses for pictures he takes so he can sell replica Princess Di dresses to fanatics.

Paris: This one is beautiful Charles! It makes me wish I had Romanian orphans to visit.

Charles: You need to dress classy like Princess Di did, she was someone that people just looked at and had admiration for. Why don’t you ever wear the dresses I made for you?

Paris: I would, if you would ever give me one, you’ve been promising for a long time but you never remember.

Charles: Really? I could have sworn I gave you one on your Birthday this year.

Paris: Well, it couldn’t have been my birthday, because it was yesterday.

Charles: Oh, I must have been thinking of Debbie and Rhonda. Don’t worry though I’m still working on yours puddin’-pop. What did you do for your birthday? I’m sorry I missed it?

Paris: I came over, we watched the royal wedding, remember, and I made brownies.

Charles: I’m sorry that’s how you spent your birthday, why didn’t you want to do anything? Well, there’s always next year right.

Charles: I just got these old issues of People magazine in the mail from London. Check them out, there are a lot of outfits I’ve not seen her in yet. (hands Paris the magazine)

Paris: Why do you like the Windsors so much?

Charles: I don’t know… I actually don’t know if it’s even them that I care for. I like their wedding the most, and everything on either side of that isn’t as good, but that moment is perfect. Everyone loves that moment though, I’m not alone in this. I thought you loved it too?

Paris: I do! You know I’ve always been into Lady Di, since even before I even met you. I told you there are posters up all over my walls of the royal wedding. There’s nothing in life that would make me happier then to be taken to my wedding in that carriage.

Paris: Do you think that they’re really this happy (Holds up wedding photo) or do you think it’s just an act?

Charles: Of course they’re happy, she’s married to one of the most important men in the world, he’s so handsome and has such a great perspective of life. But I’ve always wondered why he never married Camilla, his beautiful mistress. They look so regal together, don’t they? (He looks at photo with great admiration for a couple which both halves are equally handsome)

Paris: Camilla Parker Bowls? The old lady who looks like a pony? You’ve got to be kidding. If you really cared about Princess Di and the royal wedding why would you want to see that home wrecker stay in the picture? You should hate her Charles…I hate her.

Charles: What’s your problem, you watch, one day they’ll end up together, they’re meant to be.

Paris: I don’t want to hear you keep ranting and raving about this perfect moment, because it’s a lie Charles, why you don’t mind the Princess staying in this loveless hell if you think that this marriage is so important?

Scene 4: Lake Havasu

Paris sneaks down to the lobby when the desk lady falls asleep in the back room behind reception. The elevator opens and she quietly climbs down into the pit where they keep the replica carriage. She crawls inside, lays down and falls asleep. The camera pans out and heads out the doors and across the London Bridge. As she falls asleep we hear “Stretch Out and Wait” and continue forward to view the beautiful desert night over the bridge and water. Her calculator watch quietly chimes 30 minutes later and she sneaks back out and returns to her room. When she gets there the phone rings and scares the crap out of her. She thinks she’s been busted for touching the carriage, but it’s the desk lady.

Paris: Hello (Pretends to sound sleepy)

Desk Lady: Good Morning, sorry to wake you so early, but we are going to be making improvements on the plumbing on your side of the building, we’re going to have to move you to the west wing so you’ll have running water.

Paris: I haven’t slept yet, can it wait ‘til just a little later, I’ve had a rough couple of days.

Desk Lady: We’d prefer to move you now, just incase you should need to use the facilities.

Paris: Alright, I guess that’s fine. But could you put me in a room with a patio, or a view. The pool is lovely but I would like to be able to see the bridge.

Desk Lady: I was really hoping that you would like the pool, but I understand that it’s not for everyone. We’ll go ahead and put you in one of our deluxe suites. If you should need any towels for the pool still please let us know at the desk, those left in your room are designated for room use only.

Paris: Should I come down and pick up the keys now? I want to go to sleep as soon as I possibly can, I want to see what’s here in the daytime if I can make it up.

Desk Lady: You should come here now.

Paris opens the door to her new room with the card key and walks in, the sun isn’t up yet, it’s somewhere near 5am. She now has a staircase leading up to a private roof patio over looking the sign for the hotel. She can see the London Bridge still lit up from the night before, but all of a sudden the lights shut off because the sun will be up soon. She loves it up there until she notices there are bats flying overhead. She goes back inside. She tries to sleep; she lies there for a few minutes with the TV on, with her eyes closed. The movie ‘Million Dollar Mystery’ is playing and we’re at it’s climax where the money is dumped from the hot air balloon over the London Bridge. She falls asleep.

Waking the next day around sunset, she puts on a fancy Princess Diana dress like the ones that Charles made, after she’s finished with dressing and make-up she goes out to dinner. She looks at the brochures in the lobby to pick which restaurant she will eat at. The one that looks best to her is a Royal Family theme restaurant. When she gets there, they’re shocked that she is eating alone, and she stands out even further from the rest of the patrons because she is the only one who’s not over retirement age. She doesn’t seem to care, or notice much as she is happy just to eat somewhere nice in her dress. She is always alone except for when she sees Charles, so when the waiter comes to the table she takes this opportunity, like a senior citizen would, to have a captive audience listen. She is in the right place for it.

Waiter: Would you like to order a beverage while you look at the menu?

Paris: I’ll have a coke, if you don’t have Dr. Pepper.

Waiter: (Waiter speaks with French accent) We have Peeb, is that okay?

Paris: Okay, make it coke then.

Waiter: Do you know what you want, or should I give you a minute?

Paris: I know what I want, but I don’t know if you can give it to me?

Waiter: It depends on what that is ma’am, is this a food-related request?

Paris: Maybe. I just want to feel good again, my question is food related if you think that food can do that.

Waiter: Well, I can’t promise good, but it will make you feel better, at least as long as you’re here, but beyond that I do not know.

Paris: Well what do you recommend I have then, what should I have?

Waiter: Anything you want, it doesn’t matter what you have, it’s all very…very, good (smiles). But you should choose for yourself, or it won’t have been you who chose. But it seems you already knew what you wanted before you came here.

Paris: What if it makes me sick?

Waiter: It won’t make you sick.

Paris: What if I’m already sick?

Waiter: No you’re not.

Paris: Yes I am.

Waiter: No, you are not.

Paris: (forcefully) Yes I am!

Waiter: Well if it does make you sick, next time you should choose something else. But it doesn’t sound like you should blame what you order. Be glad you had a chance to try it, even when you find something that makes you sick you could have still it enjoyed while you had it, but you won’t be permanently sick, in fact it was only you who decided you could be sick in the first place. You are meant to enjoy what you choose, how you feel and how you are is up to you, sick or well. If you want to leave you can, but I think you should stay and try something different from the last time you were here.

Paris: Was I here before?

Waiter: Yes.

Paris: Recently?

Waiter: No, it was a long time ago. But you are back, and whether you can tell or not we are all happy to have you here again.

Paris looks around the room and she sees all of the old people are looking at her and are smiling. Another waiter brings a small bowl of red Jello to her.

Waiter 2: From that gentleman over there. (As he presents the Jello, he gestures over to a table in the corner where an older man waves at Paris)

Paris smiles and is very happy she chose this particular restaurant from the brochure rack.

Paris opens the door and leaves the restaurant, and then pulls into a movie theater. There is a late show of a film that Paris wants to see, the marquee says “Held over for a 5th consecutive year, the longest theatrical run of ‘The Dirtbike Kid’” She walks up to the ticket window.

Paris: Hi, one adult for “The Dirtbike Kid” please, I can’t believe you’re still showing it. Is it really popular here?

Ticket Guy: Yes it is, but you’ll be watching it alone tonight. Late show on a weeknight. Usually only homeless come and watch it this late so they can sleep for 2 hours in the air conditioning.

Paris gets gummy bears in a fancy box at the concession stand, walks in the theater and sits down on the middle left isle. The trailers haven’t started yet there are only strange ads for local businesses and some soft stingsy classical music playing. From the seat behind we sneak up on Paris who starts to talk to Charles like he was in the seat beside her. She’s bought snacks for him and sat them on his seat, and a drink and napkins are sitting on the armrest next to the empty seat.

Paris: Where did you go Charles? When I met you, you were so nice to me. I just wanted to tell you it’s ok, you don’t have to be with me if you don’t want to. Why didn’t you watch something else besides that damn wedding, you could have just as easily got off on re-runs of Charles In Charge, he would have been a much more caring and compassionate role model for you. He’s got your name too. I wish they made a film of the time when you were in love with me, because I’d know I’m not crazy. If everyone knew how you’ve treated me no one would like you anymore, not even me. When we met at the party you came up to me because I was dressed like Lady Di, but I must have let you down when you realized I wasn’t like her at all. Why did you even want to meet me, when you always knew you’d run off with a Camilla when you got the chance. Why didn’t you just choose her instead. But I would have missed a lot, and a lot with you, if you’d gotten it right the first time. So, I’m trying to forgive you, asshole. (The movie Starts to play) Next time I’ll be the boy, and you try being a girl. It’s not fair, I wasn’t ready to meet you yet, I could have been better. If you would have just fucking tried even a little bit we could have been really good together. But you let go so hard, so fucking fast my head was just spinning, and it never stopped all 5 years I knew you. I never got to catch my breath. But who are you to keep making me feel sick, who are you to make me feel shitty everyday. We’re going to sit here and watch the movie, because you owe me that. You’re not going anywhere until after it’s over, and you’re going to listen to me. I guess if I let people see a movie about us, I would want them see this part, because I want them to see me getting better instead of getting worse, even if they never get to see how nice you were. Because you don’t deserve it.

She sits there and leans her head against where Charles should be, trying to pretend she’s leaning against his shoulder. But she ends up resting her head against the seat.

Scene 6: Phoenix, AZ. Paris is putting on her make-up, and listening to songs she likes again. She walks down her stairs at dusk to go and visit Charles during his shift at the donut restaurant. He doesn’t look too pleased to see her. Paris is undaunted; she looks gorgeous and flirts with him.

Paris: Hey Charles! (Smiles Paris)

Charles: Where did you get that dress? Did you take it?

Paris: No, I didn’t take it! What’s up your ass. I bought it, it’s not like you were ever going to give me one, so I had to take matters into my own hands and order it.

Charles: My manager (played by Desk Lady) is the problem, she deals with the customers inappropriately. She keeps a box of wine in the back, and she starts to flirt with the men who come in her alone. (Cuts to booth of manager putting moves on man eating donut sandwich). Oh, and sorry, the dress looks nice on you (said flippantly).

Paris: Gee, thanks Chaz.

Charles: Don’t call me that, you know that frosts my watermelon.

Paris: Well anyway, the reason why I stopped by is I wanted to see if you wanted to go out after work tonight. We hardly ever hang out anymore. Why don’t we go to that bar you like so much where all the old people hang out.

Charles stares jealously at his manager.

Charles: I don’t know Paris, I was supposed to hang out with my manager, but it looks like she’s… I guess so, let’s go out, what the fuck.

They go to the bar which has karaoke, Waterlaso is singing “Pink Glove” by Pulp. Paris holds the door open for Charles, they walk in and they dance to the song that is being sung. There are old people only here, it is their bar, they enjoy the presence of the young to remind them of how they should be. Paris drags Charles out to slow dance, he looks like he wants to give into liking her, but he doesn’t. They go over to a tall table and find a seat and have pink and green drinks respectively.

Paris: Charles I’ve really missed you, where have you been?

Charles: Just busy Paris, you know I work two jobs to try and keep my clothing design afloat. I don’t want to talk about it.

Paris: I’ve heard that Lady Di has tired to kill herself, she can’t take the prison she lives in any longer. I feel so sorry for the boys. It must be so miserable to watch their mother suffer so much.

Charles: If she can’t stand to be a Royal she should just kill herself because there are a million others who would kill their family to take her place. If she can’t appreciate what she has then she doesn’t deserve it. I don’t want to discuss them with you, you’re just going to get mad at me. I don’t give a crap what you think anyway, you wouldn’t understand them.

Paris: (Trying to pretend she didn’t hear what he said) What kind of girls do you like?

Charles: I don’t know, I’m attracted to a lot of different things about women. Someone with an unmistakable specialness, someone who’s one of a kind. With grace and maturity, and pose that only comes from having really lived and experienced things deeply.

(Paris smiles and thinks he’s speaking of her)

Paris: Like who, give me some examples of celebrities you’re attracted to.

Charles: Well, I don’t know if I really have a type so to speak. Well, I think Glen Close is an exceptional person. She keeps getting better with age. Well, you know I’m a big Marianne Faithful fan, she’s soo gorgeous. I didn’t use to care for her much, but I’ve become very fond of her lately.

Paris: Don’t you like Gweneth Paltrow, or Charleze Theron, they’re pretty hot too, don’t you think?

Charles: They seem plain to me, not distinguished at all really. Acutally Gweneth’s mother is an actress, Blyth Danner, I think she’s Gorgeous! She’s a widow now I hear, but she just has something about her that I can’t place.

Paris: You mean that they’re all 25 years older then you, don’t you like anyone…

Charles: More like you?

Paris: No! That’s not what I was going to say. Under Fifty!

Charles: I don’t know, I don’t want to talk about it.

She excuses herself because she can’t stand to see his lack of concern for her feelings, so she tries to calm down in the bathroom so she can appear happy and start fresh when she returns to the table. She looks at herself in the mirror and closes her eyes for a second.

Paris: You’re going to go back out there Paris and you’ll be fine. Don’t get upset, you’re alright.

She opens the bathroom door to walk back out, but she has a good view of their table. Somehow Charles’ Manager has found them at the bar, and she walks up to the table pulls Charles in and French-kisses him. Paris turns around wanders back and forth, turning on the blow dryers on all three of the walls, and then breathing heavily with her hands on both sides of the sink she throws up. A few minutes later she sneaks back out and sits down at a booth, and just that second their Camilla leads Charles out of the bar for what looks like is going to be old lady sex. Paris had barely been gone for a 10 minutes and he’s leaving with Camilla. He forgot about Paris, she grabs her drink off the table and returns to the booth and falls asleep.

Paris had a dream at the bar: She is in New Symrna Beach, FLA 1984. She is walking to the beach with strawberry twizzlers, enjoying them as she returns. The tide is out, and there are some sandbars far off the shore that she can wade out to in very shallow water. There are giant-beached jellyfish on them. They are so big, even larger then a tire on the sedan she drives, that they are sensational to her. She is at once impressed by them, as she has feelings of sadness and fear muted out by their spectacle. The tide returns a little later as she walks along the beach, and she leans into the ocean and runs into the water to fight the waves. She kicks and hits with free-form karate. The smile on her face shows she feels like she is winning, and she is.

Scene 8: PHX, Goodbye.

The next morning she wakes up in her bed, wearing a Wham! T-shirt. She feels a small hang over, but lying there she decides this is the day she needs to confront Charles.

Paris: I can’t stand it. (covers face with pillow, and hits bed repeatedly) What the hell’s wrong with me. Maybe when I’m retired he’ll finally come around.

She quickly leaves the house and sees a note tied to the railing left for her. It’s from Charles, it says.

Dear Paris,

I’m sorry I haven’t told you before now, but I’ve been dating the manager of my Restaurant, we’ve been seeing each other now for almost a year in secret. When she saw me leave with you last night, it drove her over the edge to finally make a commitment, so I guess this should be a note to say thank you. I’m sorry I’ve kept it from you, but I knew that you were in love with me, and I didn’t want you to wreck this for me. I couldn’t help but feel it every time you were around. You know I would have chosen you if no one else would have shown up, don’t think I don’t remember how great it was when we first started dating, or whatever you want to call it. Something was just missing, so that’s why I just let you think we were casual that first year we were together. I hoped it would just fade for you like it did for me. I’m not dumb you know, I know why you moved to my street. You just let yourself change too much, and you let me change you. For a while I wanted to see if I could make you someone that I cared about, or even loved, but I couldn’t. Why did you let me do that to you? I think what I thought was there, really wasn’t, I thought you were creative and I thought that you had passion for things, but you always just wanted to come over and do nothing. Now I feel like I have seen you enough to last me forever. I will always appreciate your help selling my clothes, you’ve been a better friend to me then I’ve been to you I’m sure. You can hate me forever, I think I deserve that, a small part of me will always feel like I took advantage of you, but life’s too short to feel bad. I hope you find something for yourself, maybe start playing your music again or write something like you did when I met you, you’ll get better one day. Do you think that Michael Bay made “The Rock” on his first try? Don’t worry you stuff is lousy now, I’m sure you’ll meet someone to help you. You’re pretty enough, someone will want you, but not me, you’ll just have to understand that somehow. I wish you could see how wonderful Camie is, she is from England, and a direct descendent of the Bowls family, can you believe it! We’re flying to Florida to meet her family, and then we’re flying back to Lake Havasu to get married at a hotel her family owns and operates. You’ll never guess what they have there, a replica of the very carriage that Charles wed Diana in!!! Guess what else??? WE ARE GOING TO ARRIVE IN IT FOR THE CEREMONY! I know you’d be happy for me if you could see us together, she’s really been the only person outside my mother I’ve connected with on this level, we’re made for each other. There is something that I regret to mention though, she never wants me to see you again, she’s scared that I might leave her one day for you, I told her that’s completely ridiculous, and there’s not even a remote chance it would happen. But I need to respect her feelings about this, as I’m sure she would do the same for me. So, she has asked me to move with her to Lake Havasu and work as tour guide. You are never going to get to see me again, and for that I’m sorry. Please find it in your heart to forgive me, I know you’re a much nicer person then I am, and have a great capacity for caring and forgiveness. I know you will, so I’m not worried. I hope your life isn’t always as empty and lonely as the time when you knew me. Best wishes! Charles

Paris throws up over her balcony, on the windshield of a car in the drive-through directly below her as they are being handed their breakfast donut sandwiches and a small bucket of donut sandwich Dippin’-Frosting. She stumbles back into her place franticly trying to find her suitcase, she opens her closet and it’s full of dresses that Charles has made, she’s been ordering them for some time using other addresses, so Charles would have enough money to get by on. She only packs them and grabs a fancy case in the back of her closet. She turns around with it and sits it down on the floor as we zoom into the words Replica Gown written in gold leaf, as we zoom out we see that Paris is now in her hotel room in Lake Havasu, and she is opening the case to reveal an exact copy of the gown Lady Di wore as she road in the royal carriage to what ended up being her doom. Paris puts on the dress and gets in the elevator. We watch her from by the pool, as she gets in, through the glass. We follow her down to the lobby and see her getting out. We see the desk lady having an after hours swim in the pool even though it’s long after it’s been closed to the guests, she enjoys having the power tell the other guests “the pool is closed,” as a family comes out and tries to join her.

Paris walks up around the back of the carriage, and stares at it. She stalks around it for a minute and smiles. She sticks an arm straight out and puts two fingers to her forehead and levitates the carriage from it’s sunken pit. It floats up slowly and out the front doors as she follows it from behind. She materializes a wand with a star on top, by clapping with her arms directly above her head and bringing her hands slowly apart. She raises the wand above her head and lightning strikes it from the left and the right, the screen lights up so completely with yellow light, as it flashes you can only see her in the middle of it all with her wand raised. She whistles as to call for someone, and a phantom stable emerges translucently, and magic ponies majestically walk forward and take their place at the front of the carriage. She wants to finally take a ride in the carriage she has heard so much about. The door opens, she steps inside and the horses take to her the London Bridge. They trot her slowly across so she can see the lights of the bridge and city. Charles suddenly pulls up in a car blocking the path back to the street. He shouts at her.

Charles: Paris, I’m not going to let you take it!

Paris hops out of the carriage.

Paris: I just want something to remember us by Charles, that’s all. Go get married to your girl, you belong with her. I was wrong about you, you got it right this time, goodbye Charles.

She waves her wand at the carriage and it turns into a tiny charm on a necklace and fastens around her neck. She then tosses the wand up into the sky and as it rotates in the air it zaps Paris when its aim is perfect. She is transformed into a beautiful horse, glowing a pale blue light. As the wand flips over in the sky it falls into place on her hind leg and creates a logo of the star-wand raining little pink hearts. Paris charges at Charles who is trying to block her from leaving, stretching his arms out to try and catch her. She leaps right into him and disappears. She reappears, in a meadow galloping at full speed in tall grass by a waterfall that is dubbed in by computer, as the song “Souvenir” by OMD plays in the background. The weather is much nicer here then it is in PHX. She won’t stay here forever, one day she’ll want to do something else. She’ll see Charles again, and they may not know each other any longer, but there is a part of Charles that will always love her and it will still be there, even though he only let her see it for a little while, he might love her again, same for Paris.

The End

Please do not read any further. Thank you!

Scene -0: This is not a second ending. This does not exist. You are not reading it now.

Paris drags the carriage out of the pit with all of the strength she has, and can’t even stand afterward. All of the retired people from the restaurant are walking up to her from across the London Bridge, they pick her up and put her in the carriage. The waiter whistles and two beautiful horses gallop to their place at the front of the carriage. She is waving goodbye as she crosses the London Bridge (fade out). Later the next morning the carriage pulls up to the drive of a white mansion. She hops out and walks through a gate into the back yard unzipping her dress to show her wearing a swimsuit. She lays a towel down on a chaise lounge, and sits down, and takes a deep breath. She smiles into the camera, looks down for a second and then smiles again. She pulls a paper up from her lap so the headline is visible, “Princess Di Killed In Horrible Motorcrash”

Paris: Charles you motherfucker get your ass in that pool! I mean it you asshole!

We slowly pan over to see Charles standing on the diving board of the pool completely bound by cameras (the icon for what caused the death of Diana) and their straps with a small camera lens stuffed in his mouth which allows him to produce not much more then a mumble. He looks like a mummy covered in black bandages and telephoto lenses. We cut back to Paris who reaches her arm out towards Charles’ direction and raises it slowly. Charles levitates off of the diving board and slowly out over the pool. As Paris rotates her hand he rotates above the pool. She then abruptly points down and submerges him. She brings him up horizontally and submerges him again, for about ten seconds this time. She then whips her wrist in an upward motion and he comes flying out of the water, up over a long portion of her yard, bounces off a trampoline, over the horse into which Paris transformed, and lands standing on top of a pink cupcake covered in sprinkles as if he were a groom on a wedding cake. The camera fades out.

Music: In No Particular Order

Placebo: My Sweet Prince

Color Me Badd: All 4 Love

Paris Hilton: Song About a Guy Called Charles

Jayne County & The Electric Chairs: The Lady Di Twist

Waterlaso: We’re The Sonic Sisters

Pulp: Pink Glove

Smiths: Stretch Out & Wait

Ween: Don’t Get Too Close To My Fantasy

Buzzcocks: Ever Fallen In Love…

Fine Young Cannibals: Don’t Let It Get You Down

From Bubble Gum To Sky: Hello, Hi

Digital Underground: Kiss You Back

Icehouse: Electric Blue

PM Dawn: Set Adrift On Memory Bliss

OMD: Souvenir

© 2004 Michael Cameron

All Rights Reserved